Archive for the ‘Jet Li’ Tag

The 100 Foot Journey to the Expendables   Leave a comment

I was bored this morning. I’ve spent my week off from work working on my writing and marathoning One Piece and Hell’s Kitchen. (I finished the Alabasta arc again and 6 seasons of Hell’s Kitchen. Really.) But since this was my last day, and I had no money to do much of anything and no gas to go much of anywhere, I decided to go to the mall.

I was driving along listening to Fantastic Baby by Big Bang, and trying to sing along, although I don’t speak a word of Korean, when I realized I’d missed the turn to take me to Farmington, and was instead in Canton. So I thought, I’ll go to the bookstore, and then maybe hit the mall after.

But the bookstore sucked me in, as usual, and I spent longer there than I realized, so I thought I’d just go a few more minutes down the road, to the movie theater in Avon, and see The Expendables 3. I was kind of surprised to find that it wasn’t playing there, but since I was there already, I went to see The Hundred Foot Journey.

100 foot

Very enjoyable, a feel-good movie as you’d expect from the trailers. I liked that the French characters would slip into French, and the Indian characters into what I presume was Hindi, and they did NOT use subtitles. They were unnecessary; you just knew what they were saying anyway.

So it was over, and I was about to head back home, when I had a thought. I googled, and yes, indeed, Expendables 3 was playing at the theater in my hometown. And by the time I would get there, it would close to the next start time. So I went to see that, too.

It was what I’d hoped for. A joyful, testosterone fueled (yes, even with the first female Expendable joining the team) mixed martial arts brawl, with body armor and Really Big Guns, a tank or twelve, ‘get to the choppa’, and Mel Gibson surprisingly believable as a bad guy.

I was a bit disappointed that once again Jet Li had such a small role, and you had to wait nearly 3/4 of the film before he even showed up, and then when he did he only had 3 lines. Maybe 4. (And they left me wondering if the ‘get a room’ with Arnold was serious or a joke)

But for me, the movie was MADE by the newest Expendable – Galgo, played by Antonio Banderas. I don’t think I’ve ever enjoyed AB more than in this role. Every single line he had made me laugh, and there was one line I couldn’t quite catch because of the gunfire and the accent, and I was almost mad that I couldn’t stop the movie and rewind so I could hear it again, because it was probably freaking hilarious and I missed it.

I know it’s been getting panned, but who needs a plot? I quite loved it.

expendables 3

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The Monkey King   Leave a comment

So I just had this dream that we’d been invaded by vicious, killer dinosaurs, and the only way to survive was to summon the King of the Monkeys.

monkey king
(Jet Li as the Monkey King)

To summon him, you had to press a series of around 200 hieroglyphs in a specific order. Once you pressed one correctly it disappeared, but many of them were very similar. If you pressed one wrong they would all disappear and our chance for survival would be gone.

So I’m pressing these things and 2 little monkeys who were my partners saw what I was doing. One took objection, since the King of the Monkeys was not to be summoned lightly. He tried to stop me, and my finger almost touched the wrong picture.

2little monkeys

But just then a velociraptor wandered by (terrifying, but thankfully he didn’t see us) And suddenly the little guy was on my side, helping me choose the right pictures and shaking like a leaf in terror.

velociraptor

We finished the summoning procedure and the Monkey King arrived from outer space very dramatically.

Let me repeat that.

THE MONKEY KING ARRIVED FROM OUTER SPACE.
(that must be a really bad SF movie somewhere)

He killed all the dinosaurs except the big boss and then died, leaving the boss battle to us.

Then I woke up, which I choose to interpret as WINNING THE BOSS BATTLE.

Oh, and at some point earlier the mean older brother from Home Alone was the first person eaten by the dinosaurs.

buzz

All in all a very oddly satisfying dream.

And here’s a picture of Harry Connick, Jr., for purely selfish reasons.

Harry Connick Jr.