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Thank you for calling Aunt Patsy’s Interstellar Import Pantry. You have reached the Customer Service Department.

To hear this message in Standard Galactic Language, please press one now. To hear other language options please press two now.


Our normal business hours are oh nine hundred to nineteen thirty hours Standard Galactic Time. For a list of conversion times, please press one now.

Aunt Patsy’s Interstellar Import Pantry is currently offering immediate approval on the Andromeda Visa Card. Visa. It goes everywhere you go.

If you are calling from outside of the Alpha Centauri system, and are having difficulties with reception, press the pound key now for a list of available mirror frequencies. For instructions on how to re-tune your transceiver, please press zero.

If you are calling with billing questions, or to check the status of your order, please press one now.

Please be aware that Aunt Patsy’s Interstellar Pantry no longer accepts returns of organic merchandise, and can no longer accept returns of any kind from the Cygna System. If you need more information on our return policies please press two.

Please note, if your order was scheduled to be shipped through the Asimov/Heinlein Black Hole, please be aware that the recent collapse has added a minimum of three weeks to your scheduled delivery date. For more information, or for a list of other shipping options available, please press three now.

If you are calling to modify an existing order, please press four.

To hear this menu again please press star.

You may press zero at any time to speak to a representative-being.


I’m sorry, all our representative-beings are currently busy helping other customers. Our next available representative-being will be with you shortly. Please hold. Our current hold time is  *twenty*  *five*  *Standard*  *Galactic* minutes. Please be aware this does not include intergalactic time lag.

If you wish to remain on hold, please press the star key. If  you wish to return to the main menu, please press one. If you wish to hang up and call again later, please press the pound key.







Posted May 11, 2015 by Fran LaPlaca

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